Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
