and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
