Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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