Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
