Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
