I want to stick my p in your. b.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
