ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
whose parrot is this?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
