I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
