Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
