I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
