Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
