You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
