but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
