I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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