you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
