dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
