If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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