From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How external is "for external use only"?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
