I want to have your abortion
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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