you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We got so high we made milksteak
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I touched a dick in church today
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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