Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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