I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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