so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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