New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
