The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
