I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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