Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
