I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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