Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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