she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
