you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
