everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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