My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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