I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
