Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
