We got so high we made milksteak
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
