I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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