He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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