My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
