If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
