im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
