cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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