my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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