After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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