I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
