Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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