I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
