Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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