I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
