She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
