i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
