Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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