Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
