my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
